Thursday, March 04, 2004

By all measures, I am not "fat" -- I may be a little pudgy, but who isn't? And yet, the fact that I'm just a "little pudgy" makes it even worse, in a way. If I were just a big fattie, then I could very well accept my status as Fatty-in-Chief. It would be my new persona. I would make it my own. On the other hand, I could be just as happy (probably happier) as a skinny guy. But right now I'm somewhere in between... a skinny guy who got a little carried away with the ice cream. A fat guy who lost most of his flab, leaving a distinct layer of goo hanging around in its wake. Jiggly goo. Jiggly ucky goo that weighs me down and makes me feel kind of like a failure.

I have to lose it. At this point it's not about the energy -- I'm relatively energetic, although I'll admit the inevitable energy boost from working out regularly would be nice. At this point, however, it is simply about getting rid of the excess baggage I've been carrying around since... well, for most of my life. As far as I can remember, I have had a double chin. From the time I was 11 or so, I had a bit of a gut. It's not that bad, but it's there, and while its size fluctuates over time and almost disappeared once, it has still always been with me. Even when I was at the height of fitness on my Body for Life program, I still had a gut!! And then, after the 12 weeks were over, what did I do? Did I keep going until I reached my ideal weight of 170? Did I strive to lose that last little bit of flab on my tummy? That tiny double-chin whose demise was within my grasp? NO!!! I STOPPED WORKING OUT! I celebrated my 12 week success with a full week of utter piggitude, promising myself that I would begin another 12 week program straight away... and I tried. I really did try. But my heart just wasn't in it. Why? Because I had already lost the bulk of my flab. I had gone from 200+ to 178 in a matter of weeks. I had more energy than ever before. I wasn't hungry to complete the task -- to become not just healthier than I had been, but as healthy and trim as I could be.

In other words, I start off great but I have no follow through. This problem has followed me throughout my life, from school to work to keeping in shape.

It's time to stop half-assing it.