Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Trying Again

I have been sitting here for over an hour, my shorts on, my heart rate monitor strapped around my chest, trying to will myself to go next door and get on the damn bike. It has just been so long, and I am so tired, it's hard. I really don't want to. In my mind I hear J____ and R____ and all the assholes from my past saying, in their annoying voices, "Come on Schwartz, you're such a baby, just get up and go." And I have two simultaneous urges: 1) I want to beat the sh!t out of all the assholes of my past, and 2) I want to go work out, not because anyone else would yell at me if I didn't, but because I need to. And I want to, for myself.

I need to tire myself out during the day so that I can sleep at night. Otherwise I will just be laying in bed for hours, so desperately wanting to fall asleep, but unable to because I haven't used up enough energy during the day.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

I have probably gained 10-15 pounds since I last posted. I think I am at 200. Seriously.

Today I ate a whole Pad Thai chicken meal with spring rolls, and then when I came home I had a hankering for donuts. So I called "Nothing But Donuts" in Union Station, and asked them what kind of donuts they had left and how long they'd be open. The guy said he was going to close early tonight because it was really slow, but I told him I could be there in 10 minutes and don't close until I get there!

I walked hurriedly to the basement of Union Station and bought six donuts. I returned home and ate them all.

There is absolutely no doubt why I have gained so much weight: This is just the latest in a long string of unhealthy eating. For the first two months of school, I would get the deep fried chicken fingers almost every day for lunch, and I would dip them in blue cheese dressing. Seriously. Usually I would also have a Barq's rootbeer with it. Now, come on! Of COURSE I'm going to gain weight like that! (Comparison: Last year, at Case Western [*sniff, sniff, I miss you*], I almost always had baked pita chips and hummus for lunch.) This is all compounded by the fact that I live just 4 blocks from Chinatown, and of course I have to sample all the delectible goodies the Asians dream up over there.

Finally, I am in love with Pizza Rolls, and I quite regularly consume 44 of them in a single sitting. With Mountain Dew.


The thing is, I'm happy. Yeah I'm a little chunky, but I basically gave myself a reprieve from fitness stuff this semester in order to try to focus on school and finding a job. Luckily, I found a summer job at a big Detroit law firm that will likely become a full-time job upon graduation! As for school, well... I kinda know a little bit about the Fourth Amendment. Huh.

The point is, next semester I will be able to focus on fitness. I know, I know, it's always "next week" or "next month" or "next semester." But next semester is only a little over a month away. I can do some occasional workouts in the meantime, but then I really do look forward to hitting it HARD when January rolls around.