Saturday, March 17, 2012

Dancing Body Parts

I can make my pecs dance.

The above sentence is part boast and part excuse. I know I've been gone for a while. And this time it's not because of some sort of "good silent period" where I am chugging along. I fell off the wagon. I fell off the wagon, but don't worry, for my fall was cushioned by a pile of stuffed crust meat lovers pizzas. You know how if you overeat for several weeks a row, you can gain something like five pounds? Yeah. That.

But it's okay because I can make my pecs dance!

I realized this the other day when I was trying to imitate a classic scene in which Marge asks Homer if he drinks to escape reality, and he responds by looking in the mirror and jiggling his pectorals while humming the Can Can. I can do that! I won't post video of me doing it, because I may have political aspirations one day, but trust me, it's pretty awesome.

Over the past couple months I have gone through a couple jugs of protein powder. I ate like crap, yes, but according to my napkin math, those two jugs were the equivalent of about 12,000 calories of pure protein. And, other than a 2.5 week period in which I didn't set foot in the gym once (2/21 - 3/8), I have lifted weights hard once or twice a week for the past three months.

It turns out 3 months of weight lifting + 12,000 extra calories of protein powder = a few extra pounds of muscle. You see, my scale measures body fat too, and here's an interesting statistic:

Body Composition
WeightBody Fat %Fat Free MassFat Mass
Oct. 2007207.226.0153.353.9
Mar. 2012212.724.8160.052.7

Over the last 4.5 years, it's true, my weight has gone up over five pounds. But look at the breakdown. My fat free mass (muscle, etc.) is up almost seven pounds! And fat mass is down over a pound. In other words, I haven't really lost much fat, but ALL the weight I have gained in the past 4.5 years is muscle!

This explains why I can wear pants I bought in 2005. And it explains why I can now make my pecs dance.