Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Trying Again

I have been sitting here for over an hour, my shorts on, my heart rate monitor strapped around my chest, trying to will myself to go next door and get on the damn bike. It has just been so long, and I am so tired, it's hard. I really don't want to. In my mind I hear J____ and R____ and all the assholes from my past saying, in their annoying voices, "Come on Schwartz, you're such a baby, just get up and go." And I have two simultaneous urges: 1) I want to beat the sh!t out of all the assholes of my past, and 2) I want to go work out, not because anyone else would yell at me if I didn't, but because I need to. And I want to, for myself.

I need to tire myself out during the day so that I can sleep at night. Otherwise I will just be laying in bed for hours, so desperately wanting to fall asleep, but unable to because I haven't used up enough energy during the day.

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