Habits

I was planning on ordering my standard General Tso's combo with dumplings last night, but I didn't feel very well and I wasn't that hungry so I just ended up making soup. And it was delish! And I didn't gain 5 pounds from all the deep-fried chicken that I missed out on. :-)

Haven't run in a few days. I cannot find THE STICK, and without THE STICK my calves tighten up to unbearable levels when I try running. I will have to find it soon or else buy another one. Eek.

Come ON!!!

FORCE YOURSELF TO GET UP IN THE MORNING AND EXERCISE!
The bed is NOT THAT COMFY!!
COME ON!!!

PS - I ate another General Tso's combo with steamed dumplings.

Got to

I've been so busy with trying to find a new place to live. It takes up all my evenings and so much of my weekends. I haven't had time to prepare healthy meals or to exercise. I have GOT TO make time. I am exhausted currently, and it's because I'm not exercising.

Matt Actually Enjoyed an Evening Jog

Executive Summary

1. I don't hate Ian.
2. I have found one of my joys of running.

Incroyable!

I managed to run for 5 minutes without stopping!

Twice!
And then a few minutes more!
And my legs didn't tighten up!!!

This is gonna be tough...

So I went jogging today after 8 days of not, and my calves got so tight I could barely jog at all. I walked for 1 minute, jogged at 5 mph at a 1% incline for 3, walked 1 jogged 3, then I had to take 5 minutes out to run The Stick up and down my tender, tender calves. I got back on the treadmill to go again, but I only managed a few minutes before I had to stop and massage my calves again.

I know I can get over this hurdle with constant stretching and frequent exercise, but right now I feel frustrated because my cardiovascular system is more than willing to jog for much longer than I can right now. It's the damn musculature that is the weak link. Grrrrr.......

Yes, but look at the ONE month graph...

I know that if you look at my total weight graph o' doom since I started keeping track of it, it looks like I've gained about 5 pounds. BUT if you look at the one month graph, the results are much nicer:



This means I am holding steady. So far so good. Next step: a DOWNWARD trajectory.

I vow this, my friends: One Day we shall rechristen the graph. No more shall it be Weight Graph o'Doom, but rather it shall become the Weight Graph o' Delight!

A Jog and Healthy Meals

Good news bad news good news.

The good news is that I doubled my walk/jog from yesterday. The bad news is that "doubled" means I managed a mile and a half before collapsing, compared to my paltry 3/4 mile yesterday. The good news is that I have a lot of time until the 10-mile run in April.

I got ahold of the Beginner training schedule from a couple of years ago, and this is what the first week of training looks like:

• Jan. 23 - 30 minutes
  Goal: Walk for 1 minute and then run for 2 minutes. Do this 10 times.
• Jan. 24 - 21 minutes
  Goal: Walk 1 minute, run 2 minutes (7 times)
• Jan. 25 - Rest Day
• Jan. 26 - 32 minutes
  Goal: Walk 1 minute, run 3 minutes (4 times)
• Jan. 27 - 24 minutes
  Goal: Walk 1 minute, run 3 minutes (6 times)
• Jan. 28 - Rest Day
• Jan. 29 - 36 minutes
  Goal: Walk 1 minute, run 2 minutes (12 times)

Once again, the bad news is that I am totally a beginner, and this training plan actually looks appropriate for me. The good news is that I am starting to train about three weeks before the training schedule kicks in, so I should be ready to go in a few weeks.

My meals today were good. A soy breakfast burrito this morning, a South Beach bar, South Beach chicken alfredo whole wheat frozen dealie, an apple. I did have a burrito from Baja Fresh, but it was after my jog and I was famished. The really good news is that I grilled a sirloin burger for dinner and ate it without the bun and it was DELISH. Then I had some baby carrots with hummus.

I'd say my calories for the day are around 2200, which is right on track. I have no idea what the Weight Graph O' Doom will say tomorrow -- I'm hoping for a green triangle instead of a red one -- but whatever happens, I know I did well today.

I think today's dinner provides a good model for the future. It's like a compromise: I can eat as much protein and veggies for dinner as I like, as long as I lay off the carbs. It'll work out because I can't see myself gorging on saturated meat or anything. Maybe two chicken breasts? A couple sirloin burgers with no bun? I'm not concerned.

Onward...

Starting 2008 off right?

So that green triangular area up on the graph from last week, that was when I went home to Michigan and dropped about 5 pounds. Of course, I probably didn't lose 5 pounds of fat -- much of it was likely water weight -- but it shows that when I don't eat big meals late at night, when I don't eat sodium-filled meals, and when I generally curb my calorie intake, weight loss comes quickly for me.

As you may have also noticed, the graph has jumped back up to my pre-Michigan levels. This is because two nights ago I ordered Chinese food, and last night I had ramen noodles. Both carry massive amounts of sodium, so I have no doubt retained several pounds of water.

It is interesting to note that the General Tso's combo I had two nights ago was incredibly delicious, but after I consumed the entire thing, I was completely incapacitated. Apparently 2,000 calories (at least) of a fat-laden meal, consumed quickly, causes me to get very very drowsy, become unable to do anything, and fall asleep.

Huh.

Some other interesting news: Yesterday I "began" "training" for the 10-miler in April, and I had an interesting finding... it seems I am unable to run a mile. Not because of any cardiovascular issue (my pulse didn't go above 120, when I am easily capable of maintaining 160+ for a long time), but because my calves were incredibly tight. This always happens after a long period of dormancy, and after massaging my calf muscles with THE STICK, everything worked fine again. But this shows that it will take me a couple weeks before I can get up to the distances necessary to properly condition my body for 10 miles.

Clad

Ian and I went to the Running Fit store in West Bloomfield yesterday to pick up running gear for me: lined shorts, a long-sleeved shirt, and socks. They're all the wicking kind, which makes perspiration magically disappear or something.

I looked for a hat or headband to keep the sweat out of my eyes and glasses, but because my head is monstrously ginormous, nothing fit -- UNTIL we made it to Dick's later that night. Dick's Sporting Goods is an amazing and awesome store, able even to wow the least athletically gifted among us. (Me.) Long story short, I picked up another wicking T-shirt AND, after trying on all the hats, I found a Nike wicking visor that just barely fits me on its largest setting.

Running is so much fun!

But... now I'm told I have to actually put these things on and run around and stuff. Yeah....... not sure about that one.

Okay, so here's the deal

I am aware that the (newly rechristened) Weight Graph o' Doom is on a seemingly unending upward trajectory.

I am aware (Diana!) that I haven't posted in a while.

I am aware that fitness has not been a priority.

That all must change.

I recently signed up for the Cherry Blossom 10-Mile Run on April 6, 2008. I have to start training for that soon, because currently I can run no more than 1 mile before I collapse into a steaming pile of perspiration. I am working overly long hours, but one of the guys there works the same hours (longer, actually) and still manages to fit in a 4- or 5-mile run every day. He just takes a long break in the middle of the day, and then uses the office shower on the 9th floor. If he can make time, so can I.

I'm not sure when I'll fit weight lifting in, but again, I have to make fitness a priority. I was at 213 this morning -- that's about the same as a year ago, so I haven't really gained, but 213 is not ideal. 183 is ideal.

So we have a number now. Thirty pounds. Let's break that up into easier chunks: 3x10. I will call them my Challenges. Challenge 1: Lose 10 pounds, bringing me to 203. Challenge 2: 10 more pounds, to 193. Challenge 3: 10 more pounds, to 183.

Godspeed.

Wow, a month already?

The title about sums this one up. I knew I hadn't posted in a while but I can't believe it's been an entire month! Huh. Well, here's a brief recap:

I started on Turbulence Training, which details incredibly efficient and ass-kicking workouts that one can accomplish in about a half hour a day for six days a week, or an hour a day three times a week.

I did this for a couple weeks, and found my muscles very sore and my energy buoyed, but then I became inundated with work.

I haven't run in the past month. It got cold and I got busy and that was the first thing to fall off the plate. But I still intend to do the Cherry Blossom 10 Mile Run in April, so I'll have to get started training soon. Ian has promised to pay for the entry fee as a birthday present. I told him that was an ingeniously twisted present.

If you look at the big honking graph at the top, you will see that my "weight loss challenge" is not proceeding very well, as I am up a few pounds from the start. But you will also notice that the green areas -- which signifies prolonged weight loss -- were immediately proceeded by a 2-mile jog. So it appears that that simple-yet-incredibly-difficult endeavor is quite successful at blasting away the pounds.

Right now I am supposed to do lots of work every day -- basically 10-12 hours a day doing contract attorney work -- so that doesn't leave a lot of time for exercise. But it turns out that there is a Washington Sports Club right across the street from where I work. It's not "my" club, but I am allowed to work out there during "off-peak" hours. I checked, and that's 2-4 pm. Perfect! I can work from 8-2, take a break by going to the gym for an hour or two in the middle of the day, and then return to work from 4-9. This will allow me to get my hours in (thus making gobs of money, woo!) while also getting my exercise in (thus destroying gobs of fat, blech!). The bad news is that I won't be able to implement this until after I return from my Thanksgiving trip. The good news is that the schedule should help me counter the recent weight gain and, hopefully, begin a downward trend that will see the newfound fitting of my oldfound pants.

come ON!

FORCE YOURSELF TO GET UP IN THE MORNING AND EXERCISE!
The bed is NOT THAT COMFY!!
COME ON!!!

PS - I ate another pizza.

Truths

Seeing the scale number jump so high this morning was upsetting, but it was not a shock. Two nights ago I had a General Tso's combo for dinner, and last night I consumed an entire pizza. The massive water retention that accompanies such sodium-filled eating is not surprising. I knew it was coming.

The good news is that this is almost certainly all water weight, and it is just as easy to lose as to gain. Well, not JUST as easy, but just as simple. Don't binge on crap for a while.

I was going to jog today but I couldn't because I didn't wake up early enough and I had rehearsal directly after work, and after rehearsal it was too late to exercise because exercise keeps me up.

But I will have time tomorrow. Odds are I won't be able to squeeze it into the morning, since my sleeping schedule is not on track yet, but there is no reason why I can't hit the gym after work. The night is clear and I want to make progress toward my goal.

I saw a rather bad picture of myself yesterday. It was taken at church this Sunday, and it is what I look like when I am singing on stage with the rest of the choir. As you can see, the double chin is HUGE:



It's photos like that which I want to avoid. I know from experience that when I lose weight, it first comes off my stomach, and then my face looks a little less round, and then, finally, it starts slowly coming off from under my chin. It really is a genetic thing: some people can be 50 pounds overweight and not have a double chin, and some people can be a perfect weight and still have some flab under there. It's genetics and there is nothing I can do about that, EXCEPT to try to minimize it as much as possible.

oooooh that's a pleasant surprise

I just weighed myself at the end of the day and the results were good! I normally put my weight into the physicsdiet log in the morning after i use the bathroom, so i'm not sure if my weight will be this low in the morning, and I want to document it now so that I can be publicly pleased:

205.6! Body fat is also down too.

If you look at the little chart, you'll see that i'm basically as low right now as my low point a couple weeks ago. So I have gotten over the weird red triangle hump, and hopefully it will continue. :-)

I didn't run today because I was quite tired, but yes yes I will jog tomorrow.

Really not a lot to eat today, as I was not hungry:

• Breakfast: Coffee with cream
• Lunch: Chipotle (chicken, barbacoa and guac) + barq's root beer

And...... that's it. I know, not exactly a proper diet, but I kept the calories down and I wasn't hungry! And believe me, I got enough protein in that burrito to maintain my muscle mass.

Good Day Today

I had a good day today, with the only indulgence being an order of fries with my late lunch (I wanted to fill myself up because I knew I wouldn't be eating again for a while). Here is what I had:

• Bagel and a bit o' coffee w/ cream, sugar (300)
  
• Turkey wrap with hummus - tasty! (200)
  
• South Beach bar (140)
  
• BIG pita sandwich filled with chicken, hummus and veggies; fries (yeah yeah); Mountain Dew (900)
  
• Spicy lentil soup with ripped up turkey breast; some raisins and peanuts (300)

Approximate rounded up total = less than 2000

It seems I don't need more than 2000 calories to feel generally satisfied during the day. I absolutely don't need to scarf down a whole pizza at night! I am hoping the scale will be back below 207 tomorrow, but who knows - I might have a delayed rebound upward from last night's pizza experience.

I haven't been able to jog in a few days because I have been uberbusy. But I am absolutely making time tomorrow afternoon.

AGAIN

I DID IT AGAIN I ORDERED AND ATE A WHOLE PIZZA EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T HUNGRY I DID IT OUT OF HABIT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME THERE'S GONNA BE SUCH A RED TRIANGLE TOMORROW

---
Edit: Aaaaaand the scale went down. Green triangle. I'm confused.

Failure to plan

It is easy to overeat the day after a hard run, buoyed by the lingering satisfaction of a job well done, the emerging second-day soreness in my calves. It feels like I deserve it. It's also easy to overeat when you don't plan, when you don't eat every 3 hours, when you become famished at night and inhale the entire box of Kraft Mac & Cheese with cut up chicken sausage even though you told yourself you would only have half of it.

400 calories for bagel and coffee at breakfast. Then I was in the car for hours and succumbed to a Wendy's spicy chicken COMBO (yes, with fries) because it was right there, even though I didn't NEED it. Some peanuts and raisins tided me over after that, but 5 hours later I couldn't help but inhale the mac and cheese.

If I had kept my blood sugar steady by eating protein and carbs every 2-3 hours, I wouldn't even have had the DESIRE to overeat late at night.

Okay. Tomorrow is another day. But I will not be surprised if the scale's up tomorrow -- overeating ups the sodium which makes my body hold water like a sponge. Eek! Anyway, if I have the energy tomorrow evening, it will be time to jog.

A positive day

I would characterize today has a positive fitness day. I managed to run two miles even though it was excruciatingly hot outside. I do not intend to do that again. From now on, I will either run in the morning or in the evening, but not during the middle of the afternoon when it is approaching - or surpassing - record breaking temperatures.

So I ran two miles - well, walked and ran two miles - and did not ruin my diet today:

• Kashi GoLean Crunch with low fat milk - 300
• Half a pound of chicken breast with couscous and delicious hot sauce - 500
• Four pirogues sauteed in olive oil - 400
• A little bit of fat-free lemon sorbet - 100
• A diet lemonade and lots of water
  

Total: 1300 calories... is that right? I could have sworn that I ate more than that! I know that I have to eat more than that in order to maintain my muscle mass, because my base metabolic rate is around 2000.

That is very odd - surely I am missing something. But I can't think of anything - okay, time to have a protein shake and go to bed. :-) By the way, for any of you who are attempted to chastise me for low calorie intake, rest assured that I am not hungry! Don't worry - I would not purposely deprive myself too much. I know that I have to maintain a healthy eating lifestyle for life.

ADDENDUM: I remembered what else I ate today -- I grazed sporadically on raisins and low-salt mixed nuts, some organic peanut butter, and some cauliflower with hummus. I'd say it's an extra couple hundred calories worth. I also just ate a chicken sausage for 150 calories + some hot sauce. Still under 1800 calories for the day, and I was never hungry!

Katherine's Nutrition Tips

Tips from my Sister Katherine...
with editor's commentary from me!

1. chicken stir-fry. so easy. get your veggies and some sesame oil and some cut up chicken. use garlic salt or curry or whatever. but it's delicious, low-fat, and filling.

Yep, I too am a fan of the chicken stir-fry. I don't use as many vegetables as I should -- in fact I usually don't put veggies in at all -- but it is still delicious and low-fat and filling. I also use olive oil instead of sesame oil because it's very good for you.

2. cauliflower and hummus. one of my favorite snacks. also amazing with red pepper. it almost seems too good to be good for you!

I tried this suggestion and Katherine is right! Cauliflower + hummus = muy tasty, and filling too!

3. sugar free snacks. if you eat like ONE or TWO of the candies, it's much better for you than eating real sugar things.

I'm not a big sugar guy anyway, but good tip.

4. Wyler's lemonade. 0 calories, 0 grams of sugar. I live off of these things when I need something sweet. And it makes me want to drink water more.

If only I could figure out where to buy these... right now I'm getting my lemonade fix from Minute Maid Light Lemonade, 5 calories per can. Pretty tasty.

5. Ground turkey. Last night I browned ground turkey and added onions, broccolli, and some cheese with sesame oil. I didn't make a lot, but it was amazing!

I am also a fan of the browned ground turkey (in olive oil), but unlike Katherine I don't add veggies. That's not because I don't like veggies, but only because I am too lazy to cut them up and throw them in there.

6. SALADS! a key to success. add good things like turkey bacon or chicken. and stick with lite dressings or fat free dressings. cuz those will get you.

DO NOT LIKE SALADS. I am hoping there is another key.

7. if you are going to eat carbs, only eat WHEAT. and not fake wheat. there can't be any enriched flour. only whole grain flour. wheat bread, wheat pasta, brown jasmine rice. a serving size of spaghetti is equal to the circumference of a quarter.

"If you are going to eat carbs.." hahaha... I love my carbs. Eating them is a given. I cannot go through life remaining healthy and fit and SANE if I am forced to give up carbs. But yes, I try to get the whole grain stuff -- it keeps me fuller longer.

Progress is being made.

My run two days ago accomplished several important and positive things. As soon as I returned home, I realized that I had no cravings whatsoever for any bad foods. Whereas traditionally I have a very high chance of ordering pizza in the evening, after I returned from my two mile run, during which might pulse reached the very high number of 193, I had absolutely no desire for pizza. Or Chinese food. I actually had a hankering for - get this - vegetables!

The next day, I felt refreshed. Quite invigorated. Instant rejuvenation is a common side effect of exercise for me, and so when I do jog, for instance, I can take solace in the fact that even though weight loss may take several months, I will feel energized within days.

I was going to go for a run tonight, and I even when so far as to put on all of my jogging clothes, attach my heart rate monitor, and warmed up my muscles. But I was procrastinating because the thought of going back out there and running for two miles was not pleasant.So by the time I was finally ready to go, it was after ten o'clock. And there have been several crime alerts in this area recently. I am not making excuses! Alright, I am. But I did manage to walk around the block, and I swear to God I will go jogging tomorrow.

There is more good news though, which is that my resting pulse was at 72 beats per minute today! A couple of weeks ago there was nothing I could do to bring it under 85. It is amazing how fast cardiovascular changes can occur when starting - or, in my case, restarting - a fitness program!

One more thing: I find it very amusing that the graph of my weight fluctuations that the top of this page corresponds exactly with the days in which I have chosen to eat healthy, binge, and eat healthy again! Seriously, I could draw a box around the red area on the graph and write, "pizza!" And it would be exceedingly accurate and appropriate.

I saw my reflection in the door way to my apartment building yesterday, and it was very easy in my mind's eye to visualize what I would look like as a skinny person. I liked what I saw.

About to run... well, jog/walk

Long-time chum Ian, who told me about "Body for Life" 1/4 of a lifetime ago, just told me about another book, called "No Need for Speed." It's about running, and it is aimed at people like me -- we who have never thought of ourselves as "athletes." It's very motivational, and so far it's working.

I have long had a love-hate relationship with running. I hate getting out there, and yet when I'm out there it isn't so bad, and when I return, I usually feel pretty good. Tired but good. The longest run I've ever done was 6 or 7 miles, back when I was a senior at the University of Michigan. The date was September 28, 2001. I ran from central campus all the way to north campus, rested, and ran all the way back. Wow! I was thrilled! So proud of myself!

I didn't run again for years.

I don't know why. Maybe I thought I couldn't surpass that one-time burst of activity. In any case, I know that running has great benefits, both on the psyche and on the waistline. My mother has taken off 60 pounds in the past year by putting one foot in front of the other on a treadmill, and she looks and feels great now.

If she can do it, I can do it... Here is the 2-mile route I mapped out (well, 1.96 -- close as I could get):



At my peak running efficiency (mid-2003), I could jog 4.5 miles without stopping. It took 45 minutes, so it was slow, but it was steady and constant. Today, I'll be lucky if I can do the 2 miles in 45 minutes. :-) Anyway enough procrastinating. Time to get out there.

---

Addendum: I DID IT. I missed one leg of the job because I took a wrong turn, so it was more like 1.86 miles, but there were a SHITLOAD of UNEXPECTED HILLS and I sprinted toward the end and got my pulse up to 193 at one point. It took 31 minutes. I HATE IAN.

Yeah. I know.

Today is Turkey Day

I made a tasty meal today. For several months, ground turkey breast has been sitting in my freezer. I don't even remember purchasing it - it must have been during one of my many weight loss kicks. Anyway, the "use or freeze by" date on the label was July 31st, and I know I had frozen it by that date. So today was Turkey Day!

Rudy, my little parrot, is enthralled whenever I am in the kitchen cooking. He was positively ecstatic as I ground over a pound of turkey breast at once, drizzling it with olive oil and my many spices. As usual, the most important consideration when cooking over a pound of turkey breast and a bunch of pasta is portion size. I scooped out about one-quarter of the dish, put it on a plate, and put the rest in the refrigerator. Together, Rudy and I feasted on our turkey pasta!

• Starbucks Eggs Florentine sandwich and grande iced chai (700 calories)
• string cheese and raisins (200 calories)
  
• turkey pasta (600 calories)
• a couple of diet lemonade (10 calories)

I plan to have a bit more food today, but as of now I am holding steady at just over 1500 calories. Pretty damn good. And I am really not even hungry. Seriously, it is all about portion control. If I were not obsessed only trying to watch my food intake, I would have absolutely no problem ordering a pizza right now. I just have to tell myself, I will not lose weight unless I make a concerted effort to.I have not yet made it to the gym, but as you can see by the trend line above, I am losing just under half a pound per day. I am sure that will even out, but it is still nice to see - with out even setting foot in the gym!

Weight: 205.4 - 208.4

Habits

• Breakfast: Starbucks -- Grande Iced Chai Latte + Pepper Bacon Egg Sandwich (620 calories)
• Lunch: Potato and Cheddar Pierogies, a little lettuce (250 calories)
• Snacks at Rehearsal (200 calories)
• Dinner: Chicken and Rice (380 calories)
• Low-sugar apple juice with Greens+, a few diet lemonades (75 calories)

TOTAL: 1525 calories

That really seems pretty low... I keep thinking I'm missing something between the starbucks and the pierogies, but I cannot for the life of me recall anything else. So I guess that's that. Wow! Not bad, not bad at all. I know it's actually a little low, but I really haven't been hungry or anything.

Oh, and get this: Tonight after rehearsal I went out to the bar with everyone else like I have the past couple weeks, but instead of my usual (about, oh, 3 Yuenglings), I decided not to get anything! That's right, not a single beer! You see, I usually have three pints because it takes at least that much for me to feel anything. (My tolerance, for some reason, is quite high.) But I don't have to get tipsy to enjoy spending time with my Choral Arts friends -- they are quite enjoyable in a sober state. So I didn't get anything to drink, and ya know what? I still had fun. And I didn't consume a meaningless 600 calories.

It's all about habits. My goal is to change them, one step at a time. So far, so good......

Weight: 205.8-207.6

Introducing the Temptation Index

I think it's time to introduce a new concept to my readers. I speak now of temptation. Today I went through my entire day and only succumbed to temptation once, and even that momentary lapse was not very great. So I thought to myself, how might I go about describing my daily menu while also conveying the difficulty I had in sticking to healthy diet? And thus the temptation index was born.

I think that I want to have two numbers: one for how much temptation I felt that day and one for how clean my eating Was that day. I'm not sure if higher numbers are better or worse. This is all very new for me as well as you, so please bear with me while I work out the kinks. Without further ado:

• Breakfast: a delicious smoothie made with protein powder, frozen berries, a bit of milk and orange juice, a banana, greens powder, and some honey (300 calories)
• Lunch: the leftover Chinese food from last night (500 calories)
• Snack: the remainder of the smoothie (100 calories)
• Dinner: pad thai frozen dinner (400 calories)
• Snack: small piece of matzah with natural organic peanut butter, one scrambled egg on a small whole wheat wrap, and some edamame with a dash of sea salt ( 300 calories maximum - and I think I'm estimating high)

grand total: 300 plus 500 plus 100 plus 400 plus 300 equals 1600 calories!

Not bad. Not bad at all. Oh, yeah, the temptation index! Damn, I forgot about that. Okay: the temptation that I faced throughout the day was somewhat high. And I gave into it, but only once - and that was because the Chinese food was sitting right there and I had already paid for it. The second time I felt temptation was about two hours after my frozen dinner - I had an urge, like I do most nights, to order a pizza. I could very easily see myself giving in to temptation, and simply ordering that pizza, and eating it and feeling like crap. But I didn't give in. I looked at the refrigerator, and thought, what do I have here that could get rid of my pizza craving? What would fill me up? Sometimes when I want pizza, instead I will have a piece of whole wheat, toasted, with torn up string cheese, a bit of tomato sauce, and a drizzle of olive oil. Today, however, I realized that my pizza craving was not very strong, and I did not need to replicate the taste of pizza in order to quell it. So I simply ate what ever: peanut butter, an egg, and edamame that had been sitting in the freezer for two months. :-) It worked!

Right, right, temptation index! Hmmm..... 8? 5? 8/5? Oh, who knows. This is all too confusing. All I know for sure is this: 1600 calories baby! Yeah!

Weight: 206.2 - 208.2 (That is the range given by my scale today, starting at the beginning and ending at the end.)

Not so hard...

Eating the right things isn't so hard. What's hard is changing INGRAINED HABITS. But all it takes is a conscious, concerted effort. Remember how I didn't order pizza delivery last night? And you know how I've been trying to eat healthier the last couple of days, and limit my portions? Well today I got on the scale and I was at 205.8 -- down two pounds from yesterday, and four pounds from the day before. It is fairly obvious, then, that when I eat like CRAP, I retain water like a mofo. That's why I feel fat and look bloated and am all sluggish. Cut out the insane number of calories, limit the sodium intake, and I can at least get down to a reasonable "starting weight" for another go of exercise.

All is not lost.

Weight: 205.8

Baby Steps to Curbing Bad Habits

It is so hard to change the way we do things. It is so hard to break out of bad habit, especially when that bad habit feels good. I think my worst nutritional bad habit, at the moment, is ordering delivery at night, and eating the whole thing -- even if I'm not particularly hungry.

Ending this bad habit is far harder than one would think. I KNOW, intellectually, that ordering pizza or Chinese all the time is stupid. It's fattening, it's expensive, and I don't need it. You don't have to tell me all the reasons it's a bad idea -- I KNOW it's a bad idea. And it is SIMPLE to change: just don't order delivery at night anymore.

Oh, how simple indeed. Alas, "simple" and "easy" are not the same. Getting a law degree is straightforward: just follow the steps. Take the LSATs, apply to law school, pick one, and attend it for three(ish) years. Do the work. Boom, you have your JD. Is it simple? Yes. Is it EASY? Hell no.

I think that in order to stop doing what I KNOW is bad for me, I have to dig deeper. I have to get to the EMOTIONAL reason why I do what I do. Is it because pizza tastes good? Well, yeah, sure, but that's a bit too superficial. I think I am really eating because I am bored. Because I don't want to do my legal work, and I am looking for anything that can allow me a short reprieve. Perhaps because my good friends have left town and I don't really have a lot of people to hang out with, so I pass the time by eating pizza. I don't know.

But whatever the reason is, I didn't succumb to my bad habits tonight. Nope. I wanted a pizza. I love my pizza. I was bored. All the reasons above. And yet I knew that I didn't need it and I would only feel a momentary burst of pleasure, followed by hours or days of guilt and sluggishness. So I made some chicken breast instead. I ate that and washed it down with my super veggie drink. And ya know what? It was tasty. And satisfying. And I DIDN'T spend ten dollars and consume 2,000 calories at 11 p.m. (I think the chicken breast and drink came out to about 350 calories.)

So, yeah. I don't know if I'm going to be posting a lot on this fitness blog, but I probably will whenever I am struggling -- which I am now. The good news is that I am about the same weight as I was a year ago. I haven't lost, but I haven't gained either. So that's good news.

Ugh.

I don't know how, but I must have gained ten pounds in the last month.
Seriously, it seems like I was just down to 202 in August, and my tummy was getting flatter and everything. Then I lose Sweetie to North Carolina, and my NAB job ends, and suddenly everything is up in the air and what do I do to sooth myself? Eat. And what do i do because I'm home all day telecommuting? Eat. I eat when I'm NOT EVEN HUNGRY. WTF??!!!!!

So now, as usual, I feel like a total fattie. Last week I was incredibly sluggish, but then I forced myself to finally get to the gym, and now I don't feel sluggish anymore. But I do feel chunky, and I can see the difference in the mirror, and I can feel the difference in the tightness of my pants.

It's very frustrating because when I stand shirtless and look in the mirror, I see a guy with muscles -- they just happen to be buried under layers of fat. How much fat? I'd say I could lose 20, 30 pounds. Heh... I've been saying that for the past couple of years, haven't I?

Thing is, Jake and Gweeps just came to visit, and they are 236 and 278, respectively. I don't think I'll be nearing Gweep's proportions anytime soon, but 236? That's a lot closer than I like to think. A few years down the road... a pound a month... and BOOM. 236. Gradually. Naturally. Catastrophically.

Blech.

Hmm.

I haven't been to the gym in 2.5 months.
I actually exercised fairly regularly while studying for the bar...
And even through March.
But since I returned to DC, I haven't had access to a gym!

And yet I haven't gained much weight. Perhaps I have lost... I'm not sure. I haven't stepped on a scale since I came to DC either.

Will keep you posted.

Awesome

I only had a few minutes, but I wanted to get a workout in. I went downstairs to the apartment gym, which was already somewhat full. I staked out the decline bench -- the one where your head is below your feet -- and grabbed a couple of 25 pound dumbbells. The next few minutes proceeded quickly and intensely:

• 12 reps of dumbbell presses; no rest before next set
  
• 12 reps of dumbbell flyes; no rest
  
• 12 reps of dumbbell presses; no rest
• 12 situps

Rest 30 seconds

• 12 reps of standing alternating dumbbell curls; no rest
  
• 12 reps of dumbbell shoulder presses

I saw a girl looking at me. Probably noticing that I was hardly resting at all, just going in there like a tornado, busting the place up, and getting the hell out of there. I put the dumbbells back, grabbed a cup of water, and left the gym. I was positively giddy! I wanted to laugh, or shout, or jump for joy. It was a great little workout, a great boost of energy, and I could just feel that it was doing my body good.

I think that's what I need. More mini-workouts to keep my heart pumping and my muscles growing. In just a few minutes, I had hit my pecs, abs, biceps and shoulders. Take note.

Maybe T-giving week isn't a good week to start a diet program

Today was not a good diet day. I got a Burger King combo for lunch and then met my friends for dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. Tomorrow will be no better -- with a flight to Michigan and a turkey buffet, there is no way I am getting any exercise or a healthy diet. I will just have to start back up on the weekend, I suppose.

I did stop by Target tonight and pick up a few diet-related things: South Beach meal replacement bars that look very tasty; Kashi meal replacement bars that look equally tasty; and Xenadrine EFX. I used Xenadrine back before ephedrine was banned, and it really gave me a lot of energy. The energy is very useful in getting you motivated at the gym -- you're literally bounding with energy, and you feel almost compelled to work it off at the gym. I'm looking forward to trying the ephedrine-free version. (Though, fwiw, I didn't have any real jitters with the ephedrine formula, and I think it's a shame the FDA banned it.)

Oh! I also found a very tasty protein drink: WorldWide Pure Protein vanilla shakes with 35 grams of protein per serving. It comes in a can, so I don't have to deal with messy, inconvenient powders; it's only 160 calories (and almost no carbs or sugar); and it's actually quite palatable! I wouldn't go so far as to call it "delicious," but it's definitely much better than the vomit-inducing concoction one makes from those giant jugs of protein powder. (More expensive too, at $2 per serving vs. about 30 cents per serving, but what point is cheap protein if it's too disgusting and/or inconvenient to drink it?) So I plan to order a shipment from the Web and include a can or two in my daily diet regimen...

Will keep you posted.

---

ADDENDUM: Perhaps it's a sign of my general exhaustion that I completely forgot I had already discussed the Pure Protein drink in my last post. Please accept my apologies. :-) (But it really is good -- you should try it!)

Diet

I have been exhausted all day -- a side effect of intense workouts -- so, surprise surprise, I didn't make it to the gym this morning. I will do all I can to get my cardio in today.



Diet so far:

• Starbucks eggs florentine muffin, grande iced chai tea latte (20 g?)
  
  
• Worldwide Pure Protein shake, Kellogg's Special-K bar (36 g)

For the record, I am starving. I think my breakfast didn't have enough whole grains or fiber or something, because it definitely didn't fill me up at all. On the plus side, the Pure Protein shake is quite palatable, and, coming from a can, is a really easy way to get enough protein during the day! I will definitely order a shipment. It's about $2 a can, which is way more expensive than actually making a shake myself from powder, but it is much tastier and easier to take with me to work, which means I will actually drink it. (My track record on protein powders is horrible -- I'll buy a 6 pound jug of chocolate whey protein powder from GNC, put it on top of the fridge, and 12 months later I've hardly touched it!)

---

ADDENDUM: I was completely starving for the rest of the day. I have no idea why, other than possibly not enough fiber in the morning, or some weird gastronomic gurgle that kept me feeling famished all day. I don't remember what I ate after the protein shake, but late at night I stopped off at 7-11 and had three taquitos, a 20 oz. root beer, and some Slim Jims. Yeah, I know, but I was seriously starving.

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So far so good

Made it to the gym this morning for a difficult upper-body workout (UBWO). Realized that there is a reason people don't work their shoulders before their chest; the shoulders tired out more quickly than the chest, because they are smaller -- which means I couldn't dumbbell press nearly as much as usual! Oh well.

Meals:

• Spicy tuna breast on a whole wheat pita (36 g protein)
  
• South Beach bar and Lipton green tea w/ citrus (12 g)
• Cosi Sesame Ginger Chicken sandwich and carrots (38 g)
• Barq's root beer (0 g)
• Tofu with rice and vegetables (20 g?)

Assuming my tofu calculation is on (I'm not normally a tofu person so it's tricky), that gives me about 106 g of protein for today. A little lower than I'd like, but I'd rather accept a slightly low protein number than down a protein shake right now at the cost of 300 extra calories.

Getting up early to do cardio sucks, but it sucks less than being 30 pounds overweight

Title pretty much says it all. I actually made it down to the gym this morning by 7:30 a.m. and slogged my way through a 20 minute HIIT session on the recumbent bike. It was NOT EASY and NOT FUN. I haven't done cardio in weeks, and I haven't done early morning cardio in MONTHS, if not years. (I honestly can't remember the last time I did morning exercise). They say cardio first thing on an empty stomach burns more calories and revvs you up for the rest of the day; all I know is that it was a bitch and I am doing it again tomorrow. I also know that the only other two people in the downstairs gym so early this morning were thin. As thin as you'd expect from people who get up at 7 on a Sunday morning to kill themselves at the gym. Diet today was pretty good, at least until I decided to finish off the remaining pieces of pizza I ordered two nights ago. Hey, it's a miracle the pizza lasted me three days! It's like a new Hanukkah story. :-) And it is told that the extra-large pizza, which would normally be devoured in the span of one day, did last that two hundred and ten pound Jew for three days, praise the Lord! I think I'll take a hint from 2003-Matt (see archives, right), and include a table denoting what I ate today. Until tomorrow...!

Starbucks: Reduced fat turkey-bacon, egg and cheese muffin; iced nonfat chai tea latte Salad with can o' chicken breast Sushi, steamed chicken dumplings and edamame Three pieces of meaty pizza and a little mint chocolate chip ice cream

Long Term Trend is NOT GOOD and must be changed

Okay, so I read back through my fitness journal at Primal Eloquence, and it turns out I noted my weight five times over the course of a few years. I was able to put together a graph of my average weight gain since early 2003. The results are NOT GOOD:


It is truly shocking to realize that I am trending upward at about 8 pounds a year. That would make me about 220 pounds one year from now. Of course, it is also telling to note that between Jan. 2003 and May 2004, I only gained three pounds. Why did my weight stay so constant? Regular exercise. (And as I was working out relatively consistently from Jan-Aug of '03, half of that gain was likely muscle.)

Why did I jump up 10 pounds from May to Dec. '04? I can think of several reasons: From late April to early July, I was in a relationship, and I probably felt little pressure to keep the weight down. In late June, I was hit with mono, and it took a while for my energy to return. In August, I was accepted for transfer to Georgetown, and exercising fell by the waysides as I abruptly moved to DC and got acclimated. In my first semester at G'town, i.e. Sept-Dec '04, I focused on study instead of exercise. By the time I knew it, I was at 200.

At that point, I did take note, and exercise enough to slow the upward trend. Over the past two years, I have only gained 6 pounds a year (0.5 pounds a month). But, of course, that adds up...

I don't like where the trend is going!!! I have to make a major adjustment in my priorities, and soon. Looking over my logs for the past few years, I find that every few months, I tend to go on an exercise kick, which ALWAYS sputters out after 2-3 weeks. It is so consistent, you could set your watch by it. I'll make all these big plans, and hit the gym hard for 2 weeks, and then I usually get sick and that derails me, or else I'll just lose interest. I've been exercising and eating healthy for three weeks, I think; now it's time to relax for a few days. The problem is, relaxation has a tendency to get away from you.

Any ideas?

---

ADDENDUM * * * I decided to graph my weight since 1997, and the trend holds: Other than two periods of weight loss, my weight has consistently gone up, on average, 1/2 pound a month. Unless I want to end up a 300-pounder vying for a spot on The Biggest Loser, it is definitely time for a change.

30? Meet 40.

Fresh off the heels of 50-pound dumbbell presses a couple weeks ago (that's 50 pounds in each hand, mind you), I achieved a new high today, this time bicep-related: A year ago I pushed through the 25-pound dumbbell curl plateau to reach the then-unheard of weight of 30-pound dumbbell curls. Today, after having done 10 curls at 30 pounds, I decided to push higher. 35? Nah. What the hell, let's go for 40. Was I able to do 10? No way. Was I able to do 3? Yes! Was my form perfect? No way. Did my form at all resemble an actual curl? Absolutely!

Forty pound curls, even if only a few of them, were literally completely impossible for me several years ago. I couldn't even do one.

Today, on a whim, I did three in each hand.

Haaawesome.

Diet

Today:

• Bowl of Kashi GoLean Crunch with 1/2 cup of milk; orange juice
• Sobe Adrenaline Rush (sugar free)
• Piece of carrot cake with icing
• Cup of lentil soup

Will probably have something later. I've been eating like crap all last week, and not exercising. In my defense, everyone around me is getting sick and I am conserving my energy. I don't want to worok out so hard that my body gets tired, run down and then sick...

But I'll start again soon.

First Findings

• Kashi GoLean Crunch! is really good. Seriously, truly tasty. It's got a real "crunch!" to it, as the name makes clear -- but after the initial crunch, it's got this understated sweetness about it, a mixture of cinnamon and maybe a little honey. Mmmm. A bowl is very filling, and here's the amazing part: it actually KEEPS me full. For hours. Yesterday I had a bowl with milk in the morning, two South Beach bars over the course of the day, and a bottle of Lipton Green Tea with Citrus. That was enough to keep me satiated until late at night!
  
• My SuperPanda General Tso's Combo (w/ soup and an egg roll) tastes very good in moderation, but if I actually try to eat the whole thing, I feel like SHIT for the rest of the day.
  
• My standard meals have turned into this: Breakfast - Kashi; Lunch - Sandwich (tuna/turkey); Dinner - Chicken breast with rice, olive oil and some form of hot sauce (currently I love Uncle Brutha's Fire Sauce No. 9). Perhaps a yogurt or two. Not bad.
  
• Once I'm at the gym, I work my ass off. The problem is getting to the gym. Not physically -- it's right downstairs -- but intellectually. Forcing myself to get off my tired butt and go to the gym. It's a matter of psyching myself up, but on a more practical level, it's a matter of finding a time when a) I am energetic enough to exercise, and b) it is not so late that the exercise will keep me up forever, thus making me very tired tomorrow, sparking these problems anew.

Oh well.... off to the gym!

ADDENDUM

I did like 4 mins on the bike, couldn't pick up any steam, and then I sneezed and for some reason that made my entire body ache. Like, deep down in my muscles, almost like a weird cramp. So I got off and laid on this massage table thing for a while. Like 10-15 minutes. And I watched the rest of the news on TV. And then after a while I decided, ah well i should probably push myself for a while. I mean I'm down here in my shorts and everything. So I got back on the bike and still couldn't get going -- UNTIL I put on my iPod. FatBoy Slim. Praise You. That's all it took. Twenty-five minutes later, I was drenched. And then I followed that with several dozen crunches.

Actually, after I left the gym and started walking toward the elevator, it turns out I was relaxed and rested AND i had tons of energy. I almost wanted to go back in there and workout some more. Instead, I jogged up and down the apartment hallways a few times to burn off the excess energy!

Baby Steps to a Healthy Weight

I visited Michigan last weekend, and saw that my mother -- who has been going to the gym a few times a week and eating healthy -- has lost a ton of weight. I'd say it's 30 pounds in the past 6 months. She is starting to get her girlish figure back. It is so fantastic! But in seeing her success, I became ever more aware of my weight loss woes. Since I shaved the beard off, I can't hide it anymore, and the 210 pounds I'm carrying around really do not look good.

So I'm trying to lose weight again. I'm not a big fan of Body for Life style challenges, because -- as successful as I once was -- they are incredibly hard to stick to. Six meals a day, six times a week at the gym, busting your ass every single time... it's a nice plan in theory, but in reality you're exhausted all the time for at least a month. I can't handle such exhaustion. So I'm going to try to tone the plan down a bit -- maybe only exercise 4-5 times a week as opposed to 6 times, and maybe not *kill* myself as much as the plan calls for.

Why? Because I have only once been able to stick to the plan. In the summer of 2001, that was the number one most important thing in my life, and I lost a bunch of weight and felt great. But right now I have some other pressing things to take care of -- school, work, the bar, finding a legal job, etc. I can't make fitness THE most important thing. But it is still important.

I'm just going to try to make conscious efforts to eat right and work out on a regular basis. Yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought a bunch of healthy-yet-tasty food. Last night instead of ordering a pizza or something, I had a couple very tasty chicken breasts, an Activia yogurt (the kind with all the good bacteria), and some carrots and hummus. This morning for breakfast I had Kashi GoLean Crunch!, which I've never had before and is actually quite delicious and very healthy (lots of protein, lots of fiber). Now I'm going to get on the recumbent bike and do some cardio for a while.

The goal here is to get from my current 210 pounds and an unhealthy 27.7 Body Mass Index (BMI) to 180 pounds and a healthy 23.7 BMI. Not only will I look better at 180, but I will have a lot more energy and generally be a happier person.

Check back here for the Continuing Saga of my weight loss efforts. Until I post again, please feel free to occupy yourself with this nifty graph of my weight loss over the last week. :-)

Two days in a row

• Tuesday, 10/3: CARDIO -- 15 minutes on the recumbent bike
  
• Wednesday, 10/4: WEIGHTS -- 50 minute upper body workout

Today I am a little sore but I feel good. I was planning on doing cardio before work today, but surprise surprise, my body preferred as much sleep as it could get. I will do a half hour after work today.

Log:

Starting the day with Energy

I have been very sluggish for the past week or two. History has shown that this happens whenever I ignore exercise for several weeks. History has also shown that my fatigue is easily curable. So this morning I rolled out of bed and forced myself to head downstairs to the apartment gym, and I did 15 minutes on the recumbent bike. I didn't push myself too hard, but just enough to break a sweat. And ya know what? I arrived at the office refreshed and energetic. True, the energy is starting to wear off now, but it lasted for almost 4 hours and this was due to just ONE moderately intense (probably a 7 intensity out of 10) 15-minute session on the bike!

I'm tired of people pointing out that I have a tummy now. I'm tired of feeling tired. And I don't much like the fact that my MOTHER is now working out far more than I am! (Of course I'm ecstatic that she has finally chosen to follow my advice and get to the gym, and I am so proud of her. But still, I'm ashamed of my own lackluster efforts.) All it takes is a simple change in habits -- roll out of bed and stumble downstairs to the gym. Get on the bike and watch the morning news for a half hour. Feel energized for the rest of the day. Bonus: the pounds will start to melt off.

For the first time

For the first time in I-don't-know-how-many-months, I actually "feel fat." This hasn't happened in a while -- maybe having a loving girlfriend tends to make me forget that, wait a second, there's something amiss with my body. I've also been looking at my old B&A picture, realizing how absolutely toned I was, and really wishing I could be that way again.

It will have to wait until after finals. But starting May 17...

Water

Pizza is great. Zebra Cakes are delicious. Chinese food is delectable. But at times there is absolutely nothing better than a tall glass of water. I'm serious -- that amazing, refreshing feeling of liquid pouring into a parched body -- it's sustaining. I love it.

Goals versus Reality

Goal-setting is extremely fun to do when you don't care how or if the goals actually pan out! It's also very easy as long as you don't pay any heed to reality. That downward sloping graph will only come to pass if I proactively make an EFFORT to work out. This simply will not happen during finals. *sigh*

Haven't worked out since Dec. 1. Dammit, how the time simply flies.

Of course, I was sick for a week in there. So it's not entirely my fault.

Damn you, reality, for getting in the way of my fantastic goals!

Plan

Okay, I have been eating relatively healthy this week, and I have made an effort to get to the gym every couple days... mostly for some quick but intense weight lifting, because I just don't have the time (or is it willpower?) for cardio... but obviously cardio is important and so I will try to get into that soon.

This is my plan. Ambitious, I know... but possible...


Log, 12/1/05

• Lat pulldowns -- 10@60 lbs, 10@100
  
• Machine rows -- 12@60, 8@100
  
• Machine overhead press -- 12@60, 10@90, 8@120, 4@90, 5@60 -- failure!
  
• Standing alternating dumbell curls -- 5@30 each

Log, 11/29/05

• Treadmill -- 2 mins walk, 2 mins jog, 2 mins walk, 1 min jog
  
• Circuit on Swiss ball: Dumbell press -- 12@30 each; Dumbell flyes -- 10@30 each; Shoulder press -- 10@30 each
  
• Rest 1 min, repeat circuit
  
• Overhead tricep extensions -- 12@30, 12@30
  
• Calf presses -- 12@50, 12@50
  
• A good night sleep -- priceless!

Was it a dream?

I remember when I loved it. I remember when I loved the challenge of pushing my body as far as it would go, and then doing it again the next day. I loved the control I found in planning and sticking to a nutritious yet tasty meal plan that left me energized instead of sluggish. I loved working out for weeks and then months until I finally saw results... and I loved when the results seemingly wouldn't stop, and new pants were too big almost as soon as I bought them, and I was never out of energy, and once my body was under control I used the excess energy to take control of my life.

I want to love it again.

Log

10/17

Recumbent bike
 20 minutes
DB chest press
 12 @ 30 each
 12 @ 30
 12 @ 30
DB shoulder press
 10 @ 30 each
 8 @ 30
Tricep rope pulldowns
 10 @ 40
 10 @ 40
Swiss ball crunches
 12 / 12 / 12

These weights were somewhat of a guess, as I haven't lifted in a while, but I mostly estimated correctly. Next time -- up the DB chest press weight to 35 pounds dumbells, and just try to do more of everything else.

Biceps

I'm around. I'm averaging about twice a month at the gym, but I am around. In fact, last night I went downstairs to the little gym on the 2nd floor with the sole purpose of making my biceps bigger. You see, over the years I have made a lot of progress on most of my other 2000 parts, but my biceps have pretty much plateaued. I generally do 25 pound bicep curls, and I really don't go over that, and I have just assumed I can't go over that, but then I realized I had failed to follow the advice I give to my friends when they think they are stuck: Just Go Higher! No, you won't be able to do as many reps, and your form may be questionable toward the end of your set, but just try it -- you may surprise yourself.

So I took my own advice and I went up to 30. And guess what! I did 10 reps, and then I rested for a minute, and I was able to do another 5 reps before my arms gave out. This is very good news! It means that the 25 pound ceiling was self-imposed, and I can push through it, and it will just take a bit of time. Next time I go down to the 2nd floor, I will try to do two sets of 10 reps, and then the next time I will try to work on that 3rd set, and then when I can do three sets of 10 (or maybe 12), I will go up to 35.

And there was much happiness! :-D

I am a slug

Where have I gone, Matthew Schwartzio?
The bloggers turn their lonely eyes to meee-eee-ee-eeeee

A'ight, 'nuff S&G for tonight. Where have I gone, indeed? As much as I would love to say I have been sweating my a$$ off at the gym, I am afraid the exact opposite has happened. Well, not the EXACT opposite (freezing my a¢¢ off at home?), but close. I haven't really made it to the gym since I last posted. Things have been... well, they haven't lent themselves to exercise. Let's just say that. Let's just say when your summer firm dings you, declining to give you an offer because you're "too much of a thinker," it makes you want to think of ways to -- well, the point is fitness and exercise have been pretty far from my mind.

That said, my apartment does have a rather nice setup that allows me to do quasi-dips in the comfort of my own home. And the GOOD news is that I an actually do them! Unassisted! Like 5 or 6 of them!!!! This is amazing progress, and I can only surmise that the time off, coupled with ungodly amounts of protein (there's at least 100 grams in a large pizza) have combined to give me rested and growing pecs. Beautiful. Sadly, they pale in comparison to my ever-expanding waist line, but give a man a break.

The point is I'll get back on it soon. It just takes me a while to find my groove. And in the meantime, I will just have to get used to feeling sluggish, lethargic, and easily winded. Blech.